this day was fabulously funny and spirited at first. but then again, not really.
my best friend, we'll call her Penelope, dumped her live-in boyfriend via email- then sealed the deal via text messaging.
she came home, and he really left.
so, it started out as humorous. humorous in ways that can only be described or translated by the giddiness one gets when they do something that was heroic, brave. strong. a fanatical feeling of relief and amusement in what you've done.
what a wonderful feeling it is to know that one finally stood up for yourself! you finally got out of the relationship where your boyfriend, husband, friend was sucking you dry. whether it was financially, emotionally, physically or all of the above- isn't it a great feeling when you are finally pushed to the edge? you can't take it anymore. you are so angry that you are mad (and i don't mean angry, i mean crazy). so you do it. you break it off. and it feels amazing- you stuck it to them. you deserve better and you're going to get it. much like the feeling you got when you finally told your boss to fuck off. OR, well, you just quit and you never ever have to do that stuff again.*
why is it then, that five minutes later you immediate feel buyers remorse? why is it that as soon as you finally take the plunge, pull the plug, just do it- that you want to take it back? if the other party involved doesn't care, you immediately freak? this happens to almost everyone i know. often. and i only have one piece of advice:
if i know one thing, and i can promise you this- i do know at least one thing, it is that the feeling does fade. you eventually forget the heartache. the sharp pain of loss eventually dulls. but like a knife, it can easily still cut if pushed at the right angle.
lesson to be learned: don't play with knifes. no matter how dull the edge.
*please note that you will have to deal with another set of crap items at your next job and/or relationship.
14 April 2008
12 April 2008
a false sense of security
To lull someone into a false sense of security:
to make someone feel safe when they are not. Wearing suntan lotion can lull people into a false sense of security and make them spend longer in the sun than they should.
See also: false, lull, sense
It's happening. a lot. In Iraq... Online... At Work.
You knew it was coming- In Relationships.
An interesting individual brought this up to me... in regards to life's twists and turns and surprises. I had said to this person that the need to be constantly moving, taking risks, in the middle of it all etc. has dwindled as i get older. True, he said. But don't fool yourself into thinking that life will not be without unexpected twists. Humans, and I would venture to say, specifically Americans, are often blindsided by the unexpected. Why else would it be called unexpected? (sometimes, I surprise myself by writing the stupidest things).
Alright, this is a chick blog- back to the girl stuff. My out of the blue breakup knocked the wind out of me. This would be one of the first times I didn't see it coming. I mean, I was a wreck for at least 3 days. ha.
Now, I'll look back - you know, a whole month or so ago, and I have to wonder why I was so upset? Well number one- no one likes rejection. It's the worse. Number two, no one likes to be surprised. But ok- number three is the big one. And what I didn't think about until this nice gentlemen said it was, omg, a false sense of security. Just because I felt like everything was great and my own concerns were always put to rest by reassurance from this guy, had I not allowed myself to feel "secure" in the first place, I may not have been so upset.
Ok, well that just blows. So where does that leave a gal? I get to spend the rest of my life with whoever and know that nothing is ever secure? I mean good god, I don't think they have enough xanax in the world to help out everyone if that's the case. And as I sit here pondering that, I completely realize that it's something that no one has a choice in. I have no choice if I want some lovin' in my life. So I'll deal.
I suppose the fun of it is, it will always be a surprise. Good. Bad. or Unexpected.
It's happening. a lot. In Iraq... Online... At Work.
You knew it was coming- In Relationships.
An interesting individual brought this up to me... in regards to life's twists and turns and surprises. I had said to this person that the need to be constantly moving, taking risks, in the middle of it all etc. has dwindled as i get older. True, he said. But don't fool yourself into thinking that life will not be without unexpected twists. Humans, and I would venture to say, specifically Americans, are often blindsided by the unexpected. Why else would it be called unexpected? (sometimes, I surprise myself by writing the stupidest things).
Alright, this is a chick blog- back to the girl stuff. My out of the blue breakup knocked the wind out of me. This would be one of the first times I didn't see it coming. I mean, I was a wreck for at least 3 days. ha.
Now, I'll look back - you know, a whole month or so ago, and I have to wonder why I was so upset? Well number one- no one likes rejection. It's the worse. Number two, no one likes to be surprised. But ok- number three is the big one. And what I didn't think about until this nice gentlemen said it was, omg, a false sense of security. Just because I felt like everything was great and my own concerns were always put to rest by reassurance from this guy, had I not allowed myself to feel "secure" in the first place, I may not have been so upset.
Ok, well that just blows. So where does that leave a gal? I get to spend the rest of my life with whoever and know that nothing is ever secure? I mean good god, I don't think they have enough xanax in the world to help out everyone if that's the case. And as I sit here pondering that, I completely realize that it's something that no one has a choice in. I have no choice if I want some lovin' in my life. So I'll deal.
I suppose the fun of it is, it will always be a surprise. Good. Bad. or Unexpected.
08 April 2008
the dress affect
i was thinking about this yesterday. yesterday morning while i was in the shower. i planned my outfit. i would wear my high-waisted citizens of humanity jeans and a super cute floral silk blouse from french connection with a tie around the waist and black leather pumps. SO CUTE.
i find that this happens. and i wonder if it happens to other women. you get into a relationship and soon you find that your tastes are "calmed." suddenly, you're not into the experimentation you were before. basics- you start to wear basics. you clothes are less loud, they draw less attention. boring-er.
perhaps there are two reasons for this. one, most men are thrown off by women with funky, fun, individual style... so you "simmer down" in order to suit their needs. (that sucks). OR you require less attention- attention that was once derived through compliments from friends, co-workers, etc. is not as important because you have guy. (also lame).
lame, but both valid thoughts. with the end of my relationship, has come the end (again) of my toned down style. suddenly, there is freedom to play again- suddenly i'm excited to experiment. and i have been and it feels great.
one night, i had to go out with the boy and his friends... all very "successful" in terms of education and career. i thought i had nothing to wear to this fancy dinner at an expensive restaurant. i bought a black shirt from banana republic. i wore it. i felt plain. yet adult-like.
i've never worn it since.
i imagine, as this post comes to and end... you're thinking, what is wrong with this girl? i say this all out loud (or write, i suppose), because it sort of stinks. it sort of stinks that an outgoing, rock solid chick like myself would let others influence her dress- but i know i'm not alone.
you know why? because i KNOW i'm not the only person who feels like a straight up fool when i have to dress up for work. i still feel 12! i put a suit on and it looks like an 8 yr old wearing her mom's clothes.
i think as the times change and employers are forced to change their ways in order to keep the attention and employment of mine and younger generations, that dress will more or less be defined by who you are. not what you do. now- let me work on the transfer this to all areas of my life.
that's it. thanks.
i find that this happens. and i wonder if it happens to other women. you get into a relationship and soon you find that your tastes are "calmed." suddenly, you're not into the experimentation you were before. basics- you start to wear basics. you clothes are less loud, they draw less attention. boring-er.
perhaps there are two reasons for this. one, most men are thrown off by women with funky, fun, individual style... so you "simmer down" in order to suit their needs. (that sucks). OR you require less attention- attention that was once derived through compliments from friends, co-workers, etc. is not as important because you have guy. (also lame).
lame, but both valid thoughts. with the end of my relationship, has come the end (again) of my toned down style. suddenly, there is freedom to play again- suddenly i'm excited to experiment. and i have been and it feels great.
one night, i had to go out with the boy and his friends... all very "successful" in terms of education and career. i thought i had nothing to wear to this fancy dinner at an expensive restaurant. i bought a black shirt from banana republic. i wore it. i felt plain. yet adult-like.
i've never worn it since.
i imagine, as this post comes to and end... you're thinking, what is wrong with this girl? i say this all out loud (or write, i suppose), because it sort of stinks. it sort of stinks that an outgoing, rock solid chick like myself would let others influence her dress- but i know i'm not alone.
you know why? because i KNOW i'm not the only person who feels like a straight up fool when i have to dress up for work. i still feel 12! i put a suit on and it looks like an 8 yr old wearing her mom's clothes.
i think as the times change and employers are forced to change their ways in order to keep the attention and employment of mine and younger generations, that dress will more or less be defined by who you are. not what you do. now- let me work on the transfer this to all areas of my life.
that's it. thanks.
31 March 2008
hope
now i think we'll move onto my thoughts on the love.
i don't have any right now. however, i do have thoughts on guys. recently, i joined the match.com. why, you ask? well, prior to my "recently" i was in a pretty good relationship...great, in fact, seemed to be going well. we got on great, there were sparks, then notta. i don't know where it went- but it left. and out of the blue, i was single, again.
so... i get the match.com. and i have to admit. it's kind of fun. i mean, who doesn't want to get hit on all day? regardless of the fact that most of the men who hit on me are closer to my step-dads age than mine, well, it's still nice to know that someone out there is interested. especially when you were just thinking that you must be a troll that should live not under a bridge, but rather in the crack of a shoe that just walked through dog poo on the monon. don't ask.
with this said. GUYS are so nice. i mean, i can't get over how nice these guys are. they don't even know me. they really took 5-8 minutes of their life, read my profile and took time to write ME about me. and they talk about things i said. seriously- you date someone for however long and many a time a fight will stem from the fact that they... don't listen to you or don't understand you or don't ask questions. then, all of the sudden, there's a ton out there, just asking for more. i am not lying. i'm beside myself and i want to write to them all, well not all of them, and just say thank you.
doing exactly what they are doing is enough to give any woman, no matter how down on themselves they are about the "love," the "hope" that there are still a many fish swimming about the sea... ready to ask about you and interested in knowing more.
who says you find someone when you aren't looking? moms. that's who. go on girls, get your match on.
i don't have any right now. however, i do have thoughts on guys. recently, i joined the match.com. why, you ask? well, prior to my "recently" i was in a pretty good relationship...great, in fact, seemed to be going well. we got on great, there were sparks, then notta. i don't know where it went- but it left. and out of the blue, i was single, again.
so... i get the match.com. and i have to admit. it's kind of fun. i mean, who doesn't want to get hit on all day? regardless of the fact that most of the men who hit on me are closer to my step-dads age than mine, well, it's still nice to know that someone out there is interested. especially when you were just thinking that you must be a troll that should live not under a bridge, but rather in the crack of a shoe that just walked through dog poo on the monon. don't ask.
with this said. GUYS are so nice. i mean, i can't get over how nice these guys are. they don't even know me. they really took 5-8 minutes of their life, read my profile and took time to write ME about me. and they talk about things i said. seriously- you date someone for however long and many a time a fight will stem from the fact that they... don't listen to you or don't understand you or don't ask questions. then, all of the sudden, there's a ton out there, just asking for more. i am not lying. i'm beside myself and i want to write to them all, well not all of them, and just say thank you.
doing exactly what they are doing is enough to give any woman, no matter how down on themselves they are about the "love," the "hope" that there are still a many fish swimming about the sea... ready to ask about you and interested in knowing more.
who says you find someone when you aren't looking? moms. that's who. go on girls, get your match on.
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