No Strings Attached

I feel like societal pariah.

Yes, I paid my taxes. No, I’m not a dead-beat dad, nor am I a terrorist. I’m not a pedophile, geez I hardly even like kids, let alone touch them. I would never kill a person. In fact I almost cried when we hit a squirrel on I-70 on the way to the Indy 500. Actually, I think I’m quite the upstanding citizen if I may say so myself. I work, pay my bills and clean up Jack’s poo in public places. I even do nice things for people like, uh, call them back and listen to problems and give advice.  Geez. I’d even recycle if I could around to it.

But recently, a giant stamp has been showing up on my forehead. You can’t see it without a black light. But shove me under and there it is…  SINGLE. Someone stamped my head over night and didn’t tell me they were going to do it. It just showed up one day.

Today, I pop by my mom’s house for lunch. My whale of an uncle (not fat, just a very large man) is floating on a tiny pink raft in the pool. We get to chatting and after he tells me how much money he makes, offers me beef barley soup and a loan for ten dollars, he says… “are you married?”

“Yes, uncle Jeff. I got married and you didn’t know anything about it.”

“God, I can’t believe you’re not married! How old are you?”

“Dude, I’m 29, shut up.”

“Do you have a boyfriend.”

“No.”

“Why?! That’s so weird.”

My eyes roll, mentally, not physically (because I’m not twelve) and I go eat my beef barley soup which he promises is low in carbs.

Big Jeff Stud is not the only one asking me these types of questions as of late, or mentioning little things such as my biological clock, settling down or meeting the ‘one’. “Perhaps you should be less picky. You’re totally afraid of commitment and MUST be totally sexually frustrated. OR you’re gay! Maybe you should try eHarmony! It’s so much more classy than match.com.”

So here’s the deal, out of nowhere I’m 29 and my gal pals are dwindling… planning big weddings, shower hopping and getting ready to start their new lives. Suddenly, the calls to go shopping, have after work cocktails, do concerts or have pool dates have diminished at an alarming rate!  Now everything is done in couples and you’re rarely invited anymore – but not to worry, every so often, a friend will have  they want you to meet. Well, that is, if they can set up a triple date of couples so it’s not so “awkward”.

Right.

Thing is, I’m really excited for people when they meet someone special and get married! I can understand the place they are in life and think it’s great. And I’d like to think that is true for most people, well, except that one friend who can’t be happy for other people-that would just be too hard. Oh, you know you’ve got one, don’t lie. If you don’t- you are that friend.

Then why is it that just because their place in life has suddenly changed, they think that I am less happy being where I am? And why am I suddenly not part of the club? I’m almost positive this is not in my head- well, my mom says it is, but what does she know. She’s married.

Finally, single gals hit a great point during their late 20s/early 30s – just living life, doing well at work, with clarity around who they are and able to explore the world… and something is wrong with them? Something is amiss?

The only thing missing as of late for me is the connection between me to my favorite girlfriends. Those, dear judgers and societal shunners, are the strings that are no longer attached.

Ten fun myths of being – SINGLE… what others have you heard?

#1: If someone is single past a certain age, there must be something wrong with them like they have halitosis and hammer-time

#2: Single people are irresponsible and hate babies

#3: Single people don’t have family obligations and would prefer to be at Rock Lobster at Christmas

#4: Single people are unhappy being single and go home at night and pray for marriage to a shrine of celebrity couple photos

#5: Single people want you to set them up with your second cousin who has three kids with three different women

#6: At a certain age, a single person is too old to get married and should just live with their cats and call it a day

#7: Single people are uncomfortable hanging out with married people and probably will try to steal your husband or wife

#8: Single people eat take out all the time and rent movies and watch them in their underwear with bras on their heads

#9: Single people party all the time and drive drunk through your yard

#10: You’re not an adult until you are married because then you are definitely mature

Social Media Etiquette

VIOLA- my first column was posted on IndyHub.org! Here is a nice copy for you click challenged peeps:

Normally I would have a question and answer session in this column, but today, today, will be a rant and general tips session. Mostly because I don't have a question to answer, but also because this crazy lady shocked me today and I wondered why someone would think that the action was considered ok.

Social media, good stuff, right? I’m talking great stuff. I keep in touch with everyone on earth that I want to (and don't want to). I’ve met some pretty awesome men to date and women to bond with via networks like myspace, facebook, match.com and tweeting on the twitter. Until recently I even worked for a company who focuses on leveraging social media for businesses. All and all, we view these tools as a good thing. Connecting is good!

Well, sometimes.

So, this woman sends me a note on Facebook re: your dad.

"Hi Jill,
I am sure that you probably don't remember me, but I used to see your dad about 23 to 24 years ago. You were just little. It was when he lived in his aunts house on the east side of town. You have grown up! Anyway, just wanted to check to see how your dad is.

Take care,
Brenda"

Let's go back 23-24 yrs in Jill's world. I was six, my parents were married. Nice, right?

My reply, re: your dad:

"Hi Brenda,

Well ... I certainly hope you weren't seeing my dad 23-24 yrs ago because that would have meant you were seeing my dad while he was married to my mother.

My father is doing well, I'll let him know you touched base.

Best,
Jill"

her: "Well, actually they were going through their divorce at the time. It was in late 1986 and early 1987."

OH! well, that makes it ok! Why would someone think that is cool? I mean seriously.

This isn't a forum for me to discuss poor little Jill, child of divorce... maybe later :). I post this only to ponder the thought of social media etiquette. Just because it’s so easy to touch base, to be heard, to communicate - where does one draw the line between sharing and, uh... over-communicating?

So, with the help of some friends, we put together our own list of social media etiquette tips and pointers, dos and don'ts, if you will:

1. Don’t write your ex-boyfriend's daughter that you knew when she was six and you were dating her married father. (That's mine.)
2. Don't send a message intended for one person to the whole stream - most of us don't really need to hear the response.
3. Share great stuff! If it’s awesome- share it. If it’s a teddy bear hug gift for VIP friends and you haven't talked to the person you are sending it to since high school, rethink it, k?
4. Don’t say anything/post anything/link to anything you wouldn't want your mom to see or your boss. They will find it - and this is what happens when they do.
5. Don’t lurk. You know you are out there. Lurkers sit on the edge of networks and watch (or stalk). If you're going to be part of the community, participate! All your watching is giving us the eebie geebies.
6. Don’t start group, a blog, a cause, forum, etc. etc. if you don't plan to keep it up. You're wasting energy and clogging brains.
7. PLEASE don't post "awesome to see you last night, you were WASTED!" on someone's wall.
8. Just because you enjoy playing games on facebook doesn't mean your entire list of friends does. Think before you click.
9. If all you do is plug yourself or your company, be prepared to be de-friended.
10. Don't post incredibly personal and depressing status updates… these are ones I've read:

“My son just died in childbirth.”
“My grandpa is in a coma and has two weeks to live”
“I just found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me”

While we sympathize with these folks, the social networking sphere is not the medium to share this type of information, right?

Where does the line get drawn? I know you've got a rule for the list, add it in the comments!


Oh hi! Jill Thixton here, of IndyHub's fabulous question and answer forum, 'You don't know Jack.' Jack is my dog. You'll meet later. What makes me an accredited advice columnist? Not much. I'm not a doctor. I'm not even a writer. I have a degree in apparel merchandising and marketing. Yes, fashion merchandising Ala Elle Woods. I've ventured down several career paths and I'm only 29. My family and friends are a lil' nuts and have exposed me to way more interesting life situations than one would imagine possible in Indianapolis. So, it gives me loads to analyze. So why on earth would you want to hear what i have to say? I have no idea, but I'm going to hop on the soap box and roll with it.